why this title 'Arrow at the dark'.
You know that I am a cancer survivor and like every one of those thousands and thousands of survivors, I too went through a bout of severe depression.
At that time I didn't realize it was depression. I was angry, skeptical, rude, dictating, defying, and so on, which are all not my normal characteristic traits. I thought that I was talking like an intelligent, well informed, learned lady from the upper strata and questioned my doctors, nurses and other health care providers, and even challenged their actions.
All of them were defensive of their statements, actions and put on an expression, 'oh..we know, you are a patient and behaving as unreasonably as a patient would.' The smirk in the face, and the all knowing attitude annoyed me, and I started shutting them out.
It was at that time, Amol Pradhan, an anesthetist who had the misfortune of putting me off to sleep on the Operation table four times within a short span of 40days, helped me come out of my anger.
He said that treating cancer is like shooting an arrow at the darkness hoping that it reaches the target. Since it is dark, we have to shoot many many arrows that would destroy other things as well.
This wisdom, this simplicity, this humble admission of trial and error, restored my faith in the attempts of the doctors.
Isn't it very ironical, that an anesthetist, who is not seen, heard or spoken to by a patient, is the one who helped me become my normal self?
He went to the extent of asking me what are my favorite songs and playing it in the operation theatre before i could fall asleep. He has held my hand several times.
So, now nearly after 150 days since my treatment began, here i am, writing a blog, and what better title than the words of Amol.
'An Arrow at the darkness'
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ReplyDeleteI am simply moved by the revelations. No one imagined that you would have to face the ordeals. But then, the determination and strong will power enabled you to withstand the testing time. I have greatest love and affection for you and feel proud that I took the space immediately after you vacated the same from our mother's womb. No doubt that I can not feel the sufferings but yes... my prayer was, is and will be always with you. This is a nice caption for the blog. Go ahead and share different views about every colour of life, whether it is art, science, politics, love, relationship, technology, greenery Mother Earth, whatever the topic is, pl do write and let's share view. I feel that all arrows are shot in life at the darkness only until they hit the target. A shooter rejoices when it hits the bull's eye thinking that it is he who performed the task. As rightly pointed out in Bagawat Geetha, it is God who does everything, we are only the medium... that's all. Best wishes for your effort! Rest will be done by HIM!
DeleteV SELVARAJAN
thank u dear selvaraj and i know you will be the first to read and respond. in fact i mailed it to only a few whom i think are capable of reading. I think this is a better forum than face book where everything seems to be superficial.
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